what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
