4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
