mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
