and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
