Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i now understand why vodka
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
