hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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