do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
3 2 1 whiskey
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
