ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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