If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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