god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
