Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
