i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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