You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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