I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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