How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
