It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
