you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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