She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
