Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
