Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
