I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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