took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
