Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Terrible idea I love it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
