The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
