I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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