tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
