Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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