I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
