Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
