He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
