apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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