What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
