Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
