I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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