Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
