Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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