Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
