the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it glows. i had to have it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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