get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
