There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think my moral compass just broke
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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