I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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