I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Couch. On fire.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
