I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
