You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
