You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
