so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
