I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
