If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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