I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
