So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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