I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
