he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
